Here we are again, another March, another day devoted, another coming together. Pockets of smaller communities and groups meshing together, a meeting of hearts, friends, and minds to Stand with one another in solidarity. If you have participated in the past, or plan to tomorrow, you will undoubtedly face and inhale an incredibly powerful energy. I think there are different ways to define said energy, but I’d like to focus on Stand. The March is both a literal and metaphorical Standing of women for and of each other. We Stand for our rights, our bodies, our stories, our experiences, but we are also Stand’s for each other’s greatness, for the possibility of what coming together means, for Choice and all that comes with it. We Stand in the face of arrogance, ignorance, fear, inequality, violence, harassment. And while the coming together is a beautiful and powerful example of our Stand for one another, it’s not enough. The question remains: how and where do you Stand for your sisters every day? Every hour? Who are you Being out in the world for us? For each other?
This isn’t to knock the March, or point fingers, it’s to generate the conversation of the side lines, of the margins, of the unseen, and of the days we aren’t in physical community. Yes, let’s be present to the value and power of coming together, but don’t stop there. It is crucial that the energy we create on these days, is continually facilitated and fostered when marching solo.
Stand, for me, is a word and action that represents Power and Relationship. To Stand for someone, is to unconditionally support and take massive consistent action for them, and for their greatness. It means being willing to put down judgement, assessment, and attachment. It means being for that person, in entirety. And I get what significance the March holds, and the inhaling of support we generate from it, but what happens off the scenes? Who are you being in your relationship’s, in your work place, day to day, for your Sisters?
It saddens me how often I come across women who purport solidarity, and then demonstrate and create anything but. The epidemic where I see this playing out most often is with regards to past romantic relationship’s and the “Other Woman.” The energy that goes into tearing down, judging, and simply disliking another woman because she is dating someone you used to, is heartbreaking, immature, and in service to no one. Don’t show up at a rally, claim solidarity, and then spend the following Sunday afternoon stalking a girl on Instagram and tearing her apart with your friends. Be a Stand for women everywhere, at all times. Stop choosing when you want to play on our team. Commit. Be your word.
How can we claim Sisterhood, and then dislike another girl for simply liking someone you like, or used to? Instead, consider what a beautiful opportunity this is to see just how connected we are. Our web of relationships can be a foundation for bonding and coming together, not excluding or diminishing. Our individual wholeness is a sum of all our parts, and who we are is predicated on all of our experiences, and everyone we have come in contact with. The person you are today, is a result of who you dated yesterday, and so on. The lesson you learned, the trips you took, the pain you overcame. The people in our lives affect who we are. Therefore, what someone likes about your ex, has something to do with you. You impacted who this person became. And vice versa. If you are newly dating someone, and have hatred or dislike for the girl who came before, take a second to notice that a lot of who this man or woman is, is because of that person. What you like inside of that person, the girlfriend prior had something to do with. How awesome is that? That you can be connected to this person just from simply having someone between the two of you? Why do we immediately go to disconnect and dislike?
And. Where does the love go? How cool is it that two people, who don’t know each other both, at some point in their lives, loved a particular person. What more of a bond could you ask for? To both so deeply love the same thing? Shouldn’t that make us friends rather than enemies? Aren’t our similarities something to celebrate? I refuse to dislike or create a story about a woman I don’t know simply because she has a relationship with someone I used to. Instead, I get to celebrate this woman, because now we have bond like no other. Our hearts are connected because they both beat, or have beat, for the same thing. It’s not a reason to turn our back. It’s a reason to embrace.
Consider who you are with regards to your past relationships. What do you create with your words and actions? And is it in service of Sisterhood? If it’s not, are you willing to practice coming from heart and understanding instead of jealousy and discomfort? It is up to us to play on this planet together, everywhere, all the time. Yes we are fighting on the field for equality, equal opportunity, safety, human and body rights, space, time, but it is imperative that we don’t stop there. We have to go the extra distance with each other. With our language. How we hear. Who we listen to. The battle isn’t simply fought on the field. And I got to tell you, we won’t stand a chance if we continue to treat each other as the enemy. Enough is enough. Put down the jealousy, envy, and dislike. There’s enough of that in the world.
My invitation in this post is to look within, and consider how you Stand for women at all times, on all days, not just during a March. What conversations are you having? Who are you supporting, and how? Notice how you enter public spaces. How do you interact with strangers? Notice what you tell yourself, and how you speak to your friends about other women. It goes beyond holding a sign at a rally, and showing up one day a year. What would showing up for women everyday look like? What could we create if we took this momentum into every relationship? Every endeavor?
While growing up women, and particularly groups of them, totally freaked me out. I didn’t feel comfortable. I didn’t how to act, who to be, or even who I was. And it took me years to allow women into my heart. So, I’m not writing this from perfection or a “make wrong.” But as an invitation to take a step in the direction of Acceptance and Stand. Be the voice in your circle who calls out their friends for talking shit. Be willing to let go of past mishaps or encounters. We have to start playing for each other. Say hi to the girl who has sat across from you at work for years, strike conversation in the elevator, invite the other girl walking down the street at night to walk with you. Challenge your friends to stop blaming the “other girl.” Be the voice of the March off the field. Generate conversation and connection everywhere. The world needs us to Stand together in true Solidarity. And for fuck sakes, love each other. Be good to each other. When we continue to harm ourselves, and the women around us, it gives the rest of the world permission to do so. March tomorrow, but don’t stop there.
Stand for each other, unconditionally, and infinitely.